There are parts of my book I’m totally satisfied with. These parts are the fresh tidbits I’ve been adding. The scenes I’m very dissatisfied with are the ones I’ve written long ago. They feel very stale to me like an ancient baguette and probably because I’ve read them over a million times. I come to write these scenes and edit them… And I find myself eternally stuck. I absolutely hate it.
What will I ever do?
I’ll probably end up printing them off and try different ways of rewriting the parts. I just don’t know how to go about doing it. I mean to say, I don’t know what I should change or keep. It feels like I’m slowly beginning to sink into a black lagoon. I need to quickly find my way out of this swampy No Man’s Land.
I’m stuck on a scene… Or rather I should say I’m stuck on several scenes and probably the rest of my book.
The problem isn’t that I don’t where to take the scene. The problem is that I feel as if my engine has been used up. As though there is no gas left in the tank. This is a horrible, awful, terrible feeling if you happen to be on a deadline and constantly trying to push yourself to write more.
My book is due to be published… Well, the editors should be getting back to me by November-ish. At which time I have to send them my entire book in its completed state. It’s current state is about eight chapters out of thirty. I’ve a lot of material written from previous drafts. Some of it I’ve been using and it’s helped.
My favorite feeling in the world is that sense of fire you get from inspiration. The flame that burns and burns and propels you to write a really, really good piece. It’s as if the words themselves are coming from some celestial place in the universe. A place of divine inspiration. A place that happens… Not as often as we’d like.
The worst feeling is the moment you start writing and it’s like watching paint dry. Each sentence, description, everything sounds absolutely stark. Forced. I’ve tried everything to bring my words to life this morning. I was completely productive and cleaned. I showered. I did chores. I went for a jog. I came home feeling refreshed and ready to fight the world. But then, I get on here and start typing. The words won’t obey me. My creativity is kaput.
Sometimes, when I feel like this I’ll stick a really good soundtrack on that’s full of energy. A few times it has worked and vitalized my writing. This time however… I’m still watching paint dry.
I’m trying to finish up a chapter. I know what should be in the chapter but I can’t find the sentences at the moment to do so. I’m on a very tight deadline for my book. In two months, maybe less.. I need it done. Which is a scary thought considering how little I have actually done. Today was a long day at work and my eyelids feel droopy. Half of me is considering brewing some coffee and chugging a cup of dark espresso. While on the other hand, I really just want to crash.
It’s interesting how movies and books are so BS. In TV shows or films, the hero of the story will chug a cup of coffee while working hard on the project that will save the world. Even though he has work in the morning and most likely get no sleep… That doesn’t faze our hero. He runs on zero sleep and gallons of coffee. If only!
There are actually people in this world who only need 4 hours of sleep. These people astound me. I envy them. All the things I could do with the extra time. I once knew someone like that. She’d fall asleep around midnight and wake up at 4am refreshed. She didn’t have work until 8am and would use the free time to teach herself coding.
Lately, I’ve been drinking way too much coffee. It’s not healthy and I’m trying to lay off. I’d usually drink it to stimulate my mind which helps me to write. But then, I’d have difficulty sleeping and would wake up all groggy. Not fun. Coffee and Cigarettes. The addictions of the world.
Tonight, instead of writing. I’m on here shooting blanks. The idea of coffee is a deadly temptation.
My website is up and running at the moment. But I must admit… I’m deeply dissatisfied.
Originally, I had started out using Wix as my website. I liked it because I could customize it easily to how I wanted it. Even though it did have some short comings such as not being able to add my WordPress blog to it. Then, Wix announced my one year was up and I had to pay again. Since the credit card they had on file was now deactivated, they could not charge me. So my site was shut down and held hostage until I paid up. I was annoyed. Very irritated with them. I looked at how much it would cost me to get it up and running again. Their price was about $150/year. My eyes bulged. Ridiculous amount.
Is this the norm for websites? Why so costly? I asked a friend if there was an easier/more cost effective way. He said not really. I then did some research and decided upon WordPress. I already had a blog with WordPress and it was only $99/year. So I chose WordPress and paid up.
Unfortunately, I came to realize WordPress’s greatest downfall. It is absolutely HARD to customize one’s own site. I hate it. I know enough HTML5 to get me by and CSS too. But I don’t understand it enough to actually build and design an entire website. I usually use web builders for that. So I decided to look up some web builders and discovered Moonfruit. It was easy and efficient. After spending hours on Moonfruit I realized I wasn’t even sure if I could integrate my Moonfruit creation into my WordPress site. Headache after Headache.
In the end, I went back to WordPress and just clicked on a theme I liked the best. I do not like my website in it’s current state. It looks… I very much dislike it and I really don’t want to spend HOURS and DAYS figuring out how to tweek it. Dammit. It should be easier than this.
My dream would be a simple yet savvy looking front page that has some information about my book, my bio and my latest blog entries. I’d like to customize the background to an image I like. I want my logo in the top left corner and I’d like to have a very smart looking menu. I want it easily accessible on a tablet, phone or any device. But I do Not to waste painstaking hours trying to figure out how to go about it. It’d be nice if someone came up with an easy web builder that could be used for any site. But that’d be too easy, wouldn’t it? For now, I suppose I’m stuck with this clunky thing.
Quick update everyone. My website is down at the moment. Apparently my subscription with Wix expired and they never told me. They also happen to want me to pay $149. I think this happens to be an outrageous price so I will not be renewing my site with Wix. Instead. I’m transferring my domain to WordPress. They are less expensive and a much better platform. I will keep you all updated.
Ta Ta For Now!
Writing can be an addiction. Or is that just me?
Lately, I’ve discovered that I turn into Grumpy Cat if I don’t get at least some writing done on any given day. I’ll get cranky like I do when I don’t get my coffee. There’s nothing more exciting than a blank page. It has an infinite number of possibilities. As each letter is written on the blank space, that billion of possibilities narrows down to millions and soon to thousands. It becomes grounded and turns into a thought or idea.
One of the most thrilling parts of writing is playing God. I can create a life and I can take a life. All without consequence. I can be like I’ll make this a really awesome character. Everyone will love him. Then, I’ll kill him. And everyone will mourn him. I believe Joss Whedon is the best at creating beloved characters and then wrenching our very hearts out as we see that character’s demise. Other fun parts of writing is throwing those nasty twists in. Jodie seems to be just like every other girl. Or…is she?
My favorite twist in writing is when you discover that so-and-so wasn’t your best friend after all. When the narrator becomes the villain in the end. However, the problem with this type of plot is its difficulty. When done right, it creates for a stunning novel. When done wrong, it’s so terrible that it instantly becomes a classic joke. One novel I recently read which attempted to fool its audience by pretending the narrator to be good is Moriarty by an author whose name eludes me. At the end, I didn’t believe the narrator could be the evil one. It just felt as if the author had decided it on a whim. On the positive side, one of the best books I’ve read where this plot twist is done great is Gone Girl. I won’t spoil any of the particulars because that happens to be a fabulous book.
Writing, you see… Is something marvelous. Another beautiful part to creating a good story is seeing the characters come alive. At times, it almost feels as if they’re saying the words, not you. It’s as if they’re making the story and you’re only there to narrate. Storytelling, the fact that you get to be god… It’s something of an addiction.
Writers in movies/books always seem to get so much work done in so little time. Or is that just me?
For example, Ewan McGregor in the movie The Ghost Writer puts out almost 10,000 words a day (or was it 20,000?). Daniel Craig in Girl With The Dragon Tattoo writes about 6,000 in a day.
That’s an insane amount of writing and here I am barely able to do 1,500 daily. What is the average amount of words that a professional writer does each day? I can’t imagine writing 6,000 in a day. One, it’d take eight hours of writing for me to accomplish that. When I write, I tend to do so in bursts. I’ll write and write for about a half hour and get a considerable amount of words done. Considerable as in between 500 and 1,000. Then, I get distracted by Facebook or Pinterest and do that for a half hour or so. After that, my butt starts to ache and I get up and go for a walk. My writing process is a long one. Especially if I get stuck.
Also it’s really difficult for me to write if I’ve an empty day. Meaning a day where I have absolutely nothing to do. No job, shopping, or gym. I will sit at my laptop meaning to do work but hardly get anything done. I find it the less busy I am the less work I get done. I took a few days one time with the goal of writing as much as I could in that amount of time. In the end, I wrote barely nothing. It was terrible.
I don’t understand how writers can sit and write all day and get about 5,000-8,000 words completed. I’m sure there are many professional writers such as journalists that can easily do this. I’m not one of them. I happen to be an aspiring writer who is currently attempting to finish her debut novel. This fact mayhaps be why I can’t comprehend writing anything more than 2,500 words in one day.